“Speak only when you feel that your words are better than the silence.”
Gautama Buddha
I went to an unknown place to meet someone but I forgot his address and then suddenly one stranger approached me to know my confusion and I asked him, “Do you belong to this place? I asked for his help in finding address on his positive assertion on my question and that is it. Whenever that person will meet me in future; indeed chances are meagre, irrespective of my gratitude for his help that day, what else is required. Accumulation of additional information or conversation is worthless in above stated case; if not required for any purpose. This sounds pragmatic but essentially this is important to understand, not pragmatism but metaphysics of our thinking capabilities.
- Do all conversations are useful?
- Do all conversations are meant for information by our cognitive faculty of brain?
- Craving of information brings conversation or the fruit of conversation is information?
- How much is sufficient in conversation and what is the parameter of judgement?
And there are lots more!
We are surrounded by persons who are confused between loneliness & solitude; silence & quietness. Let us try to understand with an example.
“I was driving with 4 colleagues in my car. One colleague said, “On this Sunday, I visited paternal village of my mother-in-law to attend a marriage function.” Coincidentally the said village was another colleague paternal village. Suddenly there was a conversation started immediately.
“Which part of village you visited?”
Answer was given.
“Which time you visited?”
Answer was given.
“From which side you entered into the village?”
Answer was given.
“But that side was blocked when I went to village few days back?”
Answer was given.
“May be you are wrong in telling me the side?”
Answer was given.
And lots more here also!
Suddenly I said to him, “What is the utility of that information? She was just sharing her visit on last Sunday, not expecting an inquiry from someone on her visit.” He was awestruck for a moment & became …………… for few seconds. Now these blank dots are for you to fill in with quiet or silent. Your reply is important because your answer is necessary to analyze your thoughts.
If we define conversation; than it is a talk between people to exchange news and ideas. Indeed story of Gautama Buddha and founder of Zen ‘Mahakashyapa’ depicts silence as a medium of conversation but it is arduous to comprehend such a depth by an ordinary person. Hence all conversation by definition and philosophical notion can be useful but unfortunately we never do conversation. I came through an experience through my friend; that many of women of nearby apartments assembled at community park every evening and whenever my friends passed by that place, she heard lots of loud talks among them. One day, surprisingly, there was quietness at the community park indeed lots of women were there. She asked this unusual quietness and one of her known lady told her, “Today all ladies are present.”
They found nobody for bitching; all were present. Analyze the pain of those ladies!
This is an undeniable fact that if we remove self-appraisal talks and saying unkind and critical things about others, 90% of our conversation will come to an end. These 90% conversations make our personality and thoughts. Our mind is overloaded with debris of worthless information. Thoughts are not our possession, they will come and go and we have no control on this process. William James’ ‘Stream of Consciousness’ is all about thoughts and this phenomenon is a metaphor describing how thoughts seem to flow through the conscious mind. Mindfulness in Zen & Buddhism is an ancient method to understand awareness for achieving enlightenment. But conscious mind catches thoughts and sooner these thoughts overpower us by becoming parts of our personality. People are of two types –
- Ideologically and morally strict.
- Ideologically and morally flexible.
Test yourself; ideologically and morally strict people are usually talkative. Their talks have self appraisal or criticism towards others. They usually get offended whenever anybody criticise them. They never show interest listening others. Hence ideologically and morally strict people develop narcissist personality. Ideologically and morally flexible people are usually good listeners. Personality of such people is likely to change with time. They are non-social, more pragmatic and often short tempered. They too have tendency of self-appraisal.
The Buddha’s concept of ‘Right Speech’ pertains mainly to the ethical dimension of speech where ‘to talk’ is to articulate words and ‘to listen’ is to attend the words being spoken which make conversation serious and beneficial for opening the mind. It was an observation I noticed several times; whenever two excessive talkative people sit together – conversation never happens. Conversation needs courtesy, patience, respect and honour towards other speaker. Often we speak to interrupt others & to impose own thoughts in the conversation. Our brain never demands information, it is just an interpreter; and process of thought streaming is ON all time. We should understand that we communicate to know, create, build and destroy something & all these features are mighty enough to restructure our ego & Ego is the problem……..
You have explained the communication very well….. Keep going… Though there are some lines about the personal characteristics regarding a person being morally strict or not…. I found them not applicable on every one…